This is in response to a post my friend made. I thought it'd be a good thing to blog about. Here it is:

Hey. Nice entry. I looked back at what I said a few days ago (on the comment page). Never did I say that being angry and bitter is something that is unnatural or unexpected in life; I mentioned that if you were to go through life that way it would be a horrible existence. Sure, none of us know what anyone is really going through. Even if a friend spills their guts we'll never truly know how they feel, because we aren't feeling the exact same thing. But we can be there for each other, supporting and understanding, helping one another grow.

As humans, we come to know that life brings its frustrations, things that upset us terribly. Here's my take on a few things: Being upset about something is a human emotion, one that should be expressed. Being angry is also a human emotion, one that everyone experiences and should not bottle up, since not discussing things can lead to rage. And being bitter, to me, seems to be when someone has reached a point where they are so fed up with the world that they shut themselves away from the world, unwilling to be a part of it because of some experience they have encountered.

I have a story to share:

My sophomore year of high school was rough, like most people's. I wasn't exactly living the best life I could have, and I had a lot of things on my mind (priesthood, friends, family, driving, cross country, work, and the upcoming school year, especially my 2.60 GPA). Fortunately enough for me I had the ability to go backpacking with my scout troop for two weeks in New Mexico: a major escape, but more of a retreat from life to be honest. We hiked through the rain, the sun, the cold; I grew a beard at 15. It sucked. Yet, as we reached the final summit and I saw the base camp below, I knew that I had accomplished greatness. I had done something, and I had done it pretty well. I didn't come back changed, like some drammatic metanoia that made me super Fallon, but I did begin to understand that all the crap that I placed in my stress category was worthless to freak out about. I knew I had purpose, and I knew I'd mess up in the future, and get all stressed out. But, by knowing that some point in my life (or after) I would see "base camp," it made it all worthwhile...

Are we going to go through life in such a bitter existence, all because there are things that really irritate us? Are we going to be constantly angry at people that just don't seem to understand what we're going through, or cringe at events that make us want to crawl into a small cave and forget about life? I know for one that there are things I would much rather forget about, ignore, people that I would rather not have to deal with, troubles that I would rather not face. We all have them, as my friend pointed out. The point to understand is that, yes, we have these fears/anxieties/whatevers, but living a life of misery and frustration is pointless when we only have so much time to live and love (obviously within modertation), and to do God's will.

Perfection was another point discussed, mainly how bitterness will inevitably arise because of our human imperfection. I agree with this, but I also think that it can be a weak argument that will lead to a lot of people simply submitting to their stress and not caring about anything or anyone, which is a bitter and terrible existence. We must persevere.

Perfection is something all of us should be trying to reach, and it's a very hard goal. Life is hard, but as everyone says, no one said it would ever be easy. We all have things that get to us, or that we've been through that affect us everyday. But we get through life by understanding what our purpose is: to dedicate our lives to the Lord, and helping others see His truth. Clearly it goes into many details than that, such as what we choose to do (psychology or priesthood, as examples). In the end, the petty little things will not matter, but our love for Christ and how we lived our lives most certainly will.

Look for the light at the end of the tunnel, etc. "Life's a picnic, and some suckers are starving to death. Live!" -Maime

Currently Listening Diamonds on the Inside By Ben Harper When She Believes see related

I don't like to think about evil. Oftentimes I'd rather pretend it doesn't exist. Yet, I saw "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" this weekend and realized that the devil is everywhere. Everytime I laugh about something said about another person, every curse word or evil thought I have, every moment where I refuse the Lord entrance into my life is a triumph for the devil.

I remember one Saturday breakfast when a priest asked a classmate and I to sit with these two religious nuns who were visiting the seminary. I wanted to go upstairs and get ready for the rest of the day, but I sat down and joined the conversation. They told us to be mindful of evil in the world, tangible evil that is nothing less than the devil and his demons trying to undo the works of the Lord and destroy the faith of His people. They told us stories of how they were driven off the road on their way to speeches they were giving, not citing the experience as bad luck, but satan and his minions at work.

I know satan is at work in our world. The cruel comments that I uttter are issued through my free will, but he errupts in glee when I fall to his temptations. The world is saturated with distortions of the truth: abortion, contraception, and euthenasia for convenience, sex for pleasure whenever and with whomever, women (and men) feeling the need to look a certain way and possess certain materials in order to feel fulfilled, but not truly. We make it our priority to reach an elevated plain of success, to look a certain way, to be so consumed in searching for false love (either relationships or posessions) that we fail to see the love that is right before us.

 God does not look on with joy at the way His ultimate creation, mankind, is being treated. Anorexia, suicide, and alcohol abuse do not please God. They put Him into such a grevious state that He was willing to send His only Son down so that our sins could be lifted from us, and then shared His Body and Blood with us, the Ultimate Sacrifice. Satan loathes anything that turns mankind towards Christ, and away from the twisted, spiteful way of the evil realm.

The sisters told us to fight spiritual warfare against evil. Stand up for what you believe in, and arm yourself with Christ and His Church. We may stumble, but we will always be met with open arms. Unconditional love, folks.

Go to http://www.glennbeck.com/audio/free-audio.shtml and scroll down to hear the Passion told to Pink Floyd. It's awesome, and amazingly spiritual.

Here I am, sitting in my room at the seminary at a quarter past eleven, in my slippers ready for bed. I am tired, as usual, but I have to write some things before I go to bed. I don't think I will ever be able to fully express my feelings through this blog. That's a good thing, I feel, because if all of the internal doubts and worries that I feel daily were thrown outside for all to see, I'm sure people would be frightened.

We all have our doubts and fears. Am I doing anything with my life? What am I going to be in the future? Will I be able to handle all the things that God dishes out, ex cetera, ex cetera. We've all got them, and many times it seems as though they're all that we think about. I believe that the fatigue that most people experience is not from a lack of sleep as much as it is from the sheer exhaustion of the "daily grind," whether you're a mother of two, an archbishop of a troubled archdiocese, or a college student; It's a common occurence.

As I sit in my room typing this listening to my parish's choir CD, I know that I do not feel stressed at the moment. Sure, I have uncompleted Latin homework and a fine arts test tomorrow, but I know that I'll be able to handle them. Perhaps--no, definitely---there will be a time in the near future when I will habituously grab my hair as a sign of stress; I hope I can look back at this moment in time and understand that all will be fine. I hope, too, that I realize that God has everything under control, and worrying, as Archbishop Dolan addresses, will lead to a lack of trust in what He has in store for me.

It's moments like this when I treasure my Catholicism, not because it provides me with every answer and constantly soothes me, but because it helps to introduce us to our God who will in time answer my questions and will soothe me, if I will only let him. Pax.

I think there are times when we need to simply let go, to leave things be, and let God handle them. I know that I do not always practice these words that I write, which is why I feel it necessary to place them here. We're not always going to get it, life that is, or any other tribulation where we are put in doubt. Things happen for a reason, and that reason may not be clear at this point in time. As Catholics we believe in faith seeking understanding, not faith and magically understanding will follow immediately. Therefore, letting go of the fleeting worries is far more beneficial to our sanities than to rack our brains over how we can either get out of a rut, or come to know something or Someone more fully.

This may seem random, but it has context. This post is relevant to everyone. It is a human notion to doubt and lack trust in the Lord, and so we must fight to keep our faith in Him. Again, please don't think that I practice what I say; I struggle with this a lot, but I know that trusting in the Lord will inevitably make me stronger.

Yeah, so much to do, so much to do. I have a lot on my plate, which is cool, but I'd really like to take a few minutes to sit down. I guess I'm doing that now, so be thankful that I chose to blog instead of the following: napping, eating, hitting my loud air conditioner, playing soccer, doing homework (which is coming up next), or antagonizing innocent theologians. Life is good, and I'm beginning to realize how busy the life of a priest is.

Sometimes I feel like there's a brick wall in front of me. Whether in prayer, growth, or any other thing I try to achieve, there is always an obstacle for me to move past, a hurdle to jump, or a pancake to flip (I love pancakes). Here's a prayer that I say when the "going gets tough:"

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

Take care of yourself. Pax.

Currently Reading Aa-1025: The Memoirs of an Anti-Apostle By Marie Caree see related